Always lead with love. Self-actualized people can spot each other in a crowded room. Do you want my assessment of your unsolicited advice or shall I spare your feelings? If the other party in a discussion leads with their feelings leave the discussion with good-mannered expediency. Productivity equals self-esteem while a lack of productivity equals death of the human spirit. No government sponsored social program has ever created self-esteem. You are unique, just like everyone else. Expectations are critical: too low and your abilities are squandered; too high and your happiness is impossible. Apparently, every society has to try progressivism/socialism/communism at least once to see if it might work this time.