Bob and Debbie Conroy - Enjoying the Journey Together!

Here is an update on where we are on our journey. Debbie is still at Edgewater in the memory care unit called Beacon Springs.  The last few months have been a time of loss. A longtime friend from my Preferred Risk days died, and another is now in memory care. Recently, several of the residents in Beacon Springs have died, two have moved to long-term care, and one is in the hospital. The losses continue with Debbie as she continues to lose more cognitive ability. She is starting to hallucinate. She is hearing voices and then responding to them. Her words make no sense, but then I only hear half of the conversation. The good news is that Debbie is calm and generally happy because she feels safe. She is always clean, well-fed, and tended to  by wonderful people who care about her. To the best of her ability, Debbie participates in group activities. She has many friends and family who visit. So, from that perspective, she's luckier than most people. As I watched Debbie’s slow decl...

Debbie's slow cognitive decline continues to be noticeable to us but not to her. Because she isn't aware of it she is calmer and less anxious. The holidays are over, and routine has returned to Edgewater and the memory care area called Beacon Springs. The last eight weeks have been fraught with challenges for the residents and staff. First, Beacon Springs is now full, as several new residents moved in. It is a time of adjustment for the new arrivals, their families, and the current residents. Something as simple as changing the seating arrangements at meals and the added activity in the common area can be stressful for some residents. Second, there were many visitors, some travelling from a distance to see their loved ones. A few of the residents were taken out to dinners, family gatherings, and church services. What follows is often confusion and anxiety for the residents. Perhaps it is just the change of routine, a glimpse of their past life, or just getting tired that cause...

Debbie was sitting with Rebecca, the activities director, when I came in for a visit yesterday. She told Rebecca, “There’s Bob!” I am grateful that she still knows my name at times while accepting that it is becoming less frequent. Debbie continues to be well adjusted to life at Edgewater and is living her best possible life there. She is calmer. She is less aware of what she has lost and makes the most of what she has left. Because of my daily visits I am acutely aware of the daily routines of the residents and the staff. It is a joy being with the other residents in memory care too– each one has story and in a small way I have become a part of their world. I have connected with them, and I know I have made their final journey a little bit better. It is sad when they pass, and two have passed in October.   No one recovers from dementia. The Edgewater staff work tirelessly to meet the unique needs of each resident. The residents require a lot of patience, and some days are better t...

Debbie’s “long goodbye” continues unabated. We, who are close to her and see her often, see endless evidence of her slipping away from us. The good news is she still accepts without complaint her current living status. Never once has she asked to go home. Debbie sees her room as her “apartment” and she is proud to show it off to visitors. We filled the room with many of Debbie’s favorite items to make it familiar to her. So far this is working great. I visit every day and will do so as it is beneficial to Debbie. I have determined that the best time to visit is one to two hours before dinner. Then I transition out as she is seated for dinner. When I get there, she usually needs help with hygiene, so I help her freshen up and change clothes. She requires multiple prompts for dressing and eating but fortunately she is mostly compliant and does not get frustrated when she does not understand what is being said. A typical visit includes grabbing a couple of cookies, sometimes ice cream too...

It has been over six weeks since Debbie moved into the memory care section at Wesley’s Edgewater campus in West Des Moines. I am happy to report that the move and transition were better than we hoped for as she was immediately calmer and happier in this more structured environment. She has a nice room; it is quite large, and we call it her apartment. The facilities and the staff at Edgewater are fantastic. Debbie continues to decline cognitively, a little bit each day. She cannot read, follow conversations, or express more than her basic thoughts and needs. When asked a question she freezes up as she senses that it is a question, perhaps from the rising inflection at the end of the question. We try not to ask her questions, but it is hard not to because it is polite to ask people what they might need and give them choices. Very little new information makes it into Debbie’s long-term memory. When her sister Ronna visits in the morning and then I visit later in the day, Debbie has no mem...

I want to let you know that Debbie is entering the later stages of her illness as those around her can notice daily declines. Debbie’s needs have progressed to the point where she was moved into long-term memory at Wesley Life Edgewater in West Des Moines last week. This has been a tough decision, and I am a mix of sadness because I miss her being at our home but relieved knowing that she’ll be getting the care she needs. Edgewater is well-equipped to manage her symptoms and provide her with the best possible quality of life. She is already responding favorably to her new surroundings. Soon I will post how to visit or where to send her cards and photos.

  This was likely Debbie’s last Christmas where she will know it was Christmas, so we maintained our traditions. She had some good moments but was stressful for her, nonetheless. She would see the Christmas tree and the packages under the tree and then get anxious about the need to buy presents. I would reassure her that it was done, and she would relax. But the information would not make it into her long-term memory. A few minutes later she would panic and ask again. This is pretty much how every day is for her now, a lot of anxiety and a little slippage every day. Our goal is to maintain a daily routine as that is calming for her. We appreciate your thoughts and prayers as we continue the long goodbye.