It has been almost two years since I got very sick and was close
to death. My immune system thought my colon was a foreign invader and mercilessly
attacked it. It was a severe case of ulcerative colitis and it hit me quickly
and completely. I had a colectomy in September of 2017. I experienced postoperative
pancreatitis and had numerous collections of fluids in my abdomen causing inflammation
in many organs. I was in a lot of pain, extreme pain, and lost almost 80 pounds,
about 43% of my normal weight. After three months in a Des Moines hospital, I
was transferred to the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, MN.
What an incredible place! In a matter of weeks, a team of skilled
medical professionals drained the fluids and set me on the path to
recovery. It took about a year to recover my strength and to gain about half
of my weight back. Today I have the constant reminder of the ordeal in the form
of an ostomy pouch that collects the output from my small intestine. Yes, this
has been a big lifestyle adjustment but it is a life and one that I appreciate
every day.
Throughout the ordeal, I often felt like an observer, i.e.,
an individual consciousness that was separate from me. This consciousness, I
called it Bob 2.0, was aware of the situation, made assessments, and
instructed “me”, which I called Bob 1.0, on how to respond.
A few times it felt like my hospital bed was moving. Not
shaking but moving around the room. Bob 2.0 would take over and quickly
realized that it was a hallucination caused by the many pain medications, and possibly
the antibiotics, I was taking. So, Bob 2.0 would advise Bob 1.0 on how to get
control of the bed, steer it back to where it should be, and make it stop
moving. If Debbie was in the room at the time, I could tell her what was
happening as Bob 2.0. As the episode resolved I would continue the conversation
as Bob 1.0. There was one time when Bob 2.0 could not get control of the
situation and Bob 3.0 took over by giving Bob 2.0 some encouragement that was
then used to help direct Bob 1.0. The
three faces of Bob?
Another experience that happened often was a bright light
that would surround the items on the wall in my room. The TV, whiteboard, clock, and pictures would be outlined in a bright red or blue border. Again Bob 2.0 analyzed
the situation and told Bob 1.0 that it was another hallucination. Whenever it occurred,
I would make myself go to sleep and the issue was always gone when I regained consciousness.
I also remember experiencing a dream where electronic
devices like cell phones, tablets, and personal computer components were
floating in space. Each item looked familiar to me. They were encased in
separate bubbles and were floating up in a DNA-type spiral against a bright blue
background. It was very vivid and appeared to be real. Bob 2.0 again realized
this too was a hallucination.
So today I am back to “normal”. That is a new normal with a bit less energy and
a stoma covered by an ostomy pouch. Life is good!