Skip to main content

Posts

Move Along

Here is a long overdue update on Debbie’s journey. Time is flying by, and I feel like I am never caught up. There is always too much to do and I have too little energy to do it all. It has three months of challenges for Debbie as she continues her long goodbye. Since the last post she made two trips to the hospital, one by ambulance the other I drove her. Both were overnight stays, but she was able to return to Edgewater both times. Debbie continues to lose ground cognitively, but she is unaware of the total extent of her condition, and we are grateful for that. She often does not sleep well so mornings are a difficult time for her. After an hour or two she usually joins in the scheduled activities and is generally calm. I visit at least once every day and always for an hour or two before dinner as this is by far her best time. We have a daily routine. The first is to help her clean up and change clothes, go for a walk (outside if the weather is good), and then watch a little televisio...
Read more
Recent posts

Iowa Insurance Hall of Fame

  After a long career with GuideOne / Preferred Risk and the Iowa FAIR Plan, I found out that I will be inducted into the Iowa Insurance Hall of Fame . It still seems a little surreal to me as I didn't see myself at that level. Apparently the people that nominated me, those that wrote letters of recommendation, and the board of directors that voted didn't agree. I am grateful for the honor. I was blessed to have great bosses, mentors, and coworkers. So many of them have passed away but their influence is still with me and I do my best to pass it on to those that I influence. Ron Wilson, Bob Conroy, Jack Martinez My late wife, Carol, and my wife Debbie were always supportive and and encouraging. Success at any level would have been impossible without their love and support. Ron Wilson, Dave Creighton Sr. Russ Lettington, Syd Vanderlinden, Bob Conroy
Read more

Yesterday was Debbie's 69th birthday.

Debbie has been in Edgewater for one year now. She has adapted well to living there and it continues to be the best life possible that I can provide for her. I still visit every day. Most days I must help her with hygiene issues as she is most comfortable taking help from me. Then before dinner we walk around the building or the campus if the weather is nice. If I have FAIR Plan work that needs to be done, I open my laptop while Debbie is content sitting next to me while I work. The Edgewater staff members are amazing. I cannot adequately describe the depth of their professionalism, their caring, and their hard work. I don't know how they give so much of themselves to care about the residents as much as they do and then must see each of them die. Since Debbie has been there, there have been six deaths in total, with two in the last few weeks. We lost Maggie, the life of the party. Maggie told me she was there because she had dementia and then laughed and laughed. She maintained her...
Read more

Calm and Happy

Here is an update on where we are on our journey. Debbie is still at Edgewater in the memory care unit called Beacon Springs.  The last few months have been a time of loss. A longtime friend from my Preferred Risk days died, and another is now in memory care. Recently, several of the residents in Beacon Springs have died, two have moved to long-term care, and one is in the hospital. The losses continue with Debbie as she continues to lose more cognitive ability. She is starting to hallucinate. She is hearing voices and then responding to them. Her words make no sense, but then I only hear half of the conversation. The good news is that Debbie is calm and generally happy because she feels safe. She is always clean, well-fed, and tended to  by wonderful people who care about her. To the best of her ability, Debbie participates in group activities. She has many friends and family who visit. So, from that perspective, she's luckier than most people. As I watched Debbie’s slow decl...
Read more

Surviving the Holidays

Debbie's slow cognitive decline continues to be noticeable to us but not to her. Because she isn't aware of it she is calmer and less anxious. The holidays are over, and routine has returned to Edgewater and the memory care area called Beacon Springs. The last eight weeks have been fraught with challenges for the residents and staff. First, Beacon Springs is now full, as several new residents moved in. It is a time of adjustment for the new arrivals, their families, and the current residents. Something as simple as changing the seating arrangements at meals and the added activity in the common area can be stressful for some residents. Second, there were many visitors, some travelling from a distance to see their loved ones. A few of the residents were taken out to dinners, family gatherings, and church services. What follows is often confusion and anxiety for the residents. Perhaps it is just the change of routine, a glimpse of their past life, or just getting tired that cause...
Read more

Debbie's Community

Debbie was sitting with Rebecca, the activities director, when I came in for a visit yesterday. She told Rebecca, “There’s Bob!” I am grateful that she still knows my name at times while accepting that it is becoming less frequent. Debbie continues to be well adjusted to life at Edgewater and is living her best possible life there. She is calmer. She is less aware of what she has lost and makes the most of what she has left. Because of my daily visits I am acutely aware of the daily routines of the residents and the staff. It is a joy being with the other residents in memory care too– each one has story and in a small way I have become a part of their world. I have connected with them, and I know I have made their final journey a little bit better. It is sad when they pass, and two have passed in October.   No one recovers from dementia. The Edgewater staff work tirelessly to meet the unique needs of each resident. The residents require a lot of patience, and some days are better t...
Read more

Debbie's “Long Goodbye” Continues

Debbie’s “long goodbye” continues unabated. We, who are close to her and see her often, see endless evidence of her slipping away from us. The good news is she still accepts without complaint her current living status. Never once has she asked to go home. Debbie sees her room as her “apartment” and she is proud to show it off to visitors. We filled the room with many of Debbie’s favorite items to make it familiar to her. So far this is working great. I visit every day and will do so as it is beneficial to Debbie. I have determined that the best time to visit is one to two hours before dinner. Then I transition out as she is seated for dinner. When I get there, she usually needs help with hygiene, so I help her freshen up and change clothes. She requires multiple prompts for dressing and eating but fortunately she is mostly compliant and does not get frustrated when she does not understand what is being said. A typical visit includes grabbing a couple of cookies, sometimes ice cream too...
Read more