Bob and Debbie Conroy - Enjoying the Journey Together!

Another three months have passed in Debbie’s long goodbye journey. She has declined a little more, each decline a subtle milestone, but still she is able to join me for dinner every day. Recently, we met another couple here at Edgewater who are walking a path very much like ours. Sally is in memory care, and her husband John lives in independent living on campus. The four of us have begun to gather for dinner each evening. John and I often find ourselves lost in conversation, swapping stories from our varied life experiences and mulling over the latest news. There’s comfort in this camaraderie, and it’s nice to see how content Debbie and Sally are having us by their side and sharing the warmth at the table. Debbie’s world continues to shrink. She shows little interest in stepping outside, so we’ve adapted, taking short walks together inside the Edgewater complex. These loops become our shared moments that we both enjoy without many words being said. She is happiest when she is not requ...

It has been 575 days since Debbie moved into Beacon Springs, the memory-care community at Edgewater. Beacon Springs is her safe harbor. The caregivers know her well and treat her with such gentleness. Her apartment is filled with little pieces of home that help her stay anchored as her memory slips further away. Even though her world is getting smaller, she has found a way to be content within it. I continue to visit every day. Those visits have become the quiet focus of my day. I help her with small things like combing her hair, picking out clothes, and taking walks around the Edgewater campus. But mostly, I’m just there with her. There have been difficult days. Hospital stays. Moments of confusion or fear. The painful awareness that she continues to lose abilities she once relied on. Some of the residents who sat beside her at meals are no longer with us, and their absence lingers. This “long goodbye” is filled with losses both large and small. And yet, there is still joy. Debbie fin...

My induction into the Iowa Insurance Hall of Fame was an unexpected but greatly appreciated honor. My family and friends suited up and showed up in numbers that exceeded my expectations. To have my children and grandchildren there made it an amazing experience.  The hardest part for me was the speech. Not giving the speech but deciding on what to say. Each inductee is given five minutes which, after the obligatory thank yous, leaves very little time for a serious message,  I had been on the IIHOF board for many years and attended over 20 events so I have heard at least 80 inductee speeches. Some were awkward, some were polished, some were boring. T he ones I remember best were funny so I went with humor with a message.  I was introduced by Abby-Jaye Larson a fellow CPCU with a personality that shines in the dark. She did a great job and set the stage for my speech. I had some notes printed out but I fumbled them on stage and winged it to the end.  Here is a link to ...

Here is a long overdue update on Debbie’s journey. Time is flying by, and I feel like I am never caught up. There is always too much to do and I have too little energy to do it all. It has three months of challenges for Debbie as she continues her long goodbye. Since the last post she made two trips to the hospital, one by ambulance the other I drove her. Both were overnight stays, but she was able to return to Edgewater both times. Debbie continues to lose ground cognitively, but she is unaware of the total extent of her condition, and we are grateful for that. She often does not sleep well so mornings are a difficult time for her. After an hour or two she usually joins in the scheduled activities and is generally calm. I visit at least once every day and always for an hour or two before dinner as this is by far her best time. We have a daily routine. The first is to help her clean up and change clothes, go for a walk (outside if the weather is good), and then watch a little televisio...

  After a long career with GuideOne / Preferred Risk and the Iowa FAIR Plan, I found out that I will be inducted into the Iowa Insurance Hall of Fame . It still seems a little surreal to me as I didn't see myself at that level. Apparently the people that nominated me, those that wrote letters of recommendation, and the board of directors that voted didn't agree. I am grateful for the honor. I was blessed to have great bosses, mentors, and coworkers. So many of them have passed away but their influence is still with me and I do my best to pass it on to those that I influence. Ron Wilson, Bob Conroy, Jack Martinez My late wife, Carol, and my wife Debbie were always supportive and and encouraging. Success at any level would have been impossible without their love and support. Ron Wilson, Dave Creighton Sr. Russ Lettington, Syd Vanderlinden, Bob Conroy

Debbie has been in Edgewater for one year now. She has adapted well to living there and it continues to be the best life possible that I can provide for her. I still visit every day. Most days I must help her with hygiene issues as she is most comfortable taking help from me. Then before dinner we walk around the building or the campus if the weather is nice. If I have FAIR Plan work that needs to be done, I open my laptop while Debbie is content sitting next to me while I work. The Edgewater staff members are amazing. I cannot adequately describe the depth of their professionalism, their caring, and their hard work. I don't know how they give so much of themselves to care about the residents as much as they do and then must see each of them die. Since Debbie has been there, there have been six deaths in total, with two in the last few weeks. We lost Maggie, the life of the party. Maggie told me she was there because she had dementia and then laughed and laughed. She maintained her...

Here is an update on where we are on our journey. Debbie is still at Edgewater in the memory care unit called Beacon Springs.  The last few months have been a time of loss. A longtime friend from my Preferred Risk days died, and another is now in memory care. Recently, several of the residents in Beacon Springs have died, two have moved to long-term care, and one is in the hospital. The losses continue with Debbie as she continues to lose more cognitive ability. She is starting to hallucinate. She is hearing voices and then responding to them. Her words make no sense, but then I only hear half of the conversation. The good news is that Debbie is calm and generally happy because she feels safe. She is always clean, well-fed, and tended to  by wonderful people who care about her. To the best of her ability, Debbie participates in group activities. She has many friends and family who visit. So, from that perspective, she's luckier than most people. As I watched Debbie’s slow decl...

Debbie's slow cognitive decline continues to be noticeable to us but not to her. Because she isn't aware of it she is calmer and less anxious. The holidays are over, and routine has returned to Edgewater and the memory care area called Beacon Springs. The last eight weeks have been fraught with challenges for the residents and staff. First, Beacon Springs is now full, as several new residents moved in. It is a time of adjustment for the new arrivals, their families, and the current residents. Something as simple as changing the seating arrangements at meals and the added activity in the common area can be stressful for some residents. Second, there were many visitors, some travelling from a distance to see their loved ones. A few of the residents were taken out to dinners, family gatherings, and church services. What follows is often confusion and anxiety for the residents. Perhaps it is just the change of routine, a glimpse of their past life, or just getting tired that cause...

Debbie was sitting with Rebecca, the activities director, when I came in for a visit yesterday. She told Rebecca, “There’s Bob!” I am grateful that she still knows my name at times while accepting that it is becoming less frequent. Debbie continues to be well adjusted to life at Edgewater and is living her best possible life there. She is calmer. She is less aware of what she has lost and makes the most of what she has left. Because of my daily visits I am acutely aware of the daily routines of the residents and the staff. It is a joy being with the other residents in memory care too– each one has story and in a small way I have become a part of their world. I have connected with them, and I know I have made their final journey a little bit better. It is sad when they pass, and two have passed in October.   No one recovers from dementia. The Edgewater staff work tirelessly to meet the unique needs of each resident. The residents require a lot of patience, and some days are better t...

Debbie’s “long goodbye” continues unabated. We, who are close to her and see her often, see endless evidence of her slipping away from us. The good news is she still accepts without complaint her current living status. Never once has she asked to go home. Debbie sees her room as her “apartment” and she is proud to show it off to visitors. We filled the room with many of Debbie’s favorite items to make it familiar to her. So far this is working great. I visit every day and will do so as it is beneficial to Debbie. I have determined that the best time to visit is one to two hours before dinner. Then I transition out as she is seated for dinner. When I get there, she usually needs help with hygiene, so I help her freshen up and change clothes. She requires multiple prompts for dressing and eating but fortunately she is mostly compliant and does not get frustrated when she does not understand what is being said. A typical visit includes grabbing a couple of cookies, sometimes ice cream too...

It has been over six weeks since Debbie moved into the memory care section at Wesley’s Edgewater campus in West Des Moines. I am happy to report that the move and transition were better than we hoped for as she was immediately calmer and happier in this more structured environment. She has a nice room; it is quite large, and we call it her apartment. The facilities and the staff at Edgewater are fantastic. Debbie continues to decline cognitively, a little bit each day. She cannot read, follow conversations, or express more than her basic thoughts and needs. When asked a question she freezes up as she senses that it is a question, perhaps from the rising inflection at the end of the question. We try not to ask her questions, but it is hard not to because it is polite to ask people what they might need and give them choices. Very little new information makes it into Debbie’s long-term memory. When her sister Ronna visits in the morning and then I visit later in the day, Debbie has no mem...

My grandson, Jackson, is a good person. That may be my highest compliment besides respecting those that are lifelong learners.  Jackson was given the promise of a full ride scholarship to any University of Nebraska location when he was in 8th grade. He would forfeit the scholarship if his grades sagged or if he got into any trouble. I became concerned when he acquired a steady girlfriend, Cassidy, in 10th grade.  Girlfriends, good grades and staying out of trouble are often mutually exclusive. Over the years that they dated I got to know Cassidy and was impressed with her kindness and character. They continued to date through high school and entered University of Nebraska at Kearney together. Four years later they both graduated and then landed great jobs in Kearney.  Jackson and Cassidy married and my heart is full of joy for them. They deserve each other and they are a blessing to their families and many friends. 

  We stopped at the SAC Air and Space Museum near Omaha on the way home from Cassidy and Jackson's wedding. An early version of Tesla's Cyber Plane is on display. Okay, it actually is a F-117 Nighthawk undergoing restoration.

I want to let you know that Debbie is entering the later stages of her illness as those around her can notice daily declines. Debbie’s needs have progressed to the point where she was moved into long-term memory at Wesley Life Edgewater in West Des Moines last week. This has been a tough decision, and I am a mix of sadness because I miss her being at our home but relieved knowing that she’ll be getting the care she needs. Edgewater is well-equipped to manage her symptoms and provide her with the best possible quality of life. She is already responding favorably to her new surroundings. Soon I will post how to visit or where to send her cards and photos.

  It's not the size of the fish that matters but rather the quality of the time.

  This was likely Debbie’s last Christmas where she will know it was Christmas, so we maintained our traditions. She had some good moments but was stressful for her, nonetheless. She would see the Christmas tree and the packages under the tree and then get anxious about the need to buy presents. I would reassure her that it was done, and she would relax. But the information would not make it into her long-term memory. A few minutes later she would panic and ask again. This is pretty much how every day is for her now, a lot of anxiety and a little slippage every day. Our goal is to maintain a daily routine as that is calming for her. We appreciate your thoughts and prayers as we continue the long goodbye.

I had an amazing day at Walmart today! The first was finding a parking space up front on a weekend. Next, I grabbed a cart and was shocked. It was the Unicorn Cart, that mythical cart that tracks straight without a wheel that wobbles like it is on a bender or with a wheel pulling the cart back to China. I only needed to buy eggs, bananas, and milk, but since the cart was so perfect, I continued to shop until it was full. Heading to the register for self-checkout, an employee caught my attention and said,” Register five is open, no waiting.” So, an employee rang up my groceries, and they were fast. It was just a wonderful experience. Debbie and I get our prescriptions filled at Walmart and I'm thinking of changing to a new store so I never have to go back. Then I can always cherish the memory of a wonderful day at Walmart.

I have had many inquiries about Debbie’s health status, so this is to bring everyone up to date. Two years ago, Debbie was diagnosed with logopenic primary progressive aphasia, an atypical form of Alzheimer's disease. We suspected for several years prior that something was wrong. So, while the diagnosis was not a surprise it was devastating news. Debbie and I had many talks about her medical condition as there are limited treatments and no cures. We agreed that it was an opportunity to demonstrate to our children and grandchildren how to face a difficult situation with courage, compassion, and commitment. It has been our experience that children pay less attention to what we say and more attention to what we do. Last year she lost the ability to use email and social media apps, but she can still use a phone with assistance. Her short-term memory is virtually non-existent and that causes problems with understanding complex verbal information or communicating her thoughts to others....

Ted Lussem died last year after a long life dedicated to the insurance industry and his community. Ted was a mentor to many successful insurance professionals. He hosted study groups for all programs offered by The Institutes and that created a significant talent pool in Des Moines. He is responsible for much of the economic success we enjoy in Des Moines today.  There will never be another Ted.  Here is a link to Ted’s bio on the Iowa Insurance Hall of Fame website (a group that he championed for 21 years.)   https://iihof.org/recipients/theodore-d-lussem-2000/ I am pleased that a suitable home for the books and other memorabilia that Ted Lussem collected has been found thanks to Bruce Kelley. The Lussem collection along  with several boxes of Preferred Risk/GuideOne artifacts from my collection were  donated to the  Kathryn and Shelby Cullom Davis Library at  St. John's University--Manhattan Campus Below is a photo of the archives. The 12 crates...

Debbie and I went to St Joseph, MO yesterday to watch Allison play indoor softball at Missouri Western State University. The facility is used by the Kansas City Chiefs for their summer camp. She played well with great plays at first and a booming bat. On the way home, about 20 miles from Des Moines, we played tag with a deer on I-35. The deer is now "it" but it just lies on the road and refuses to play anymore. We are grateful that the airbags did not deploy and that the car stayed on the road.